How to Enhance Your Daughter’s Future
Our son Mico had a soccer game yesterday (in which he and his team played very well…but that’s not the point). His team is coached by a now-sixteen year-old girl, who has been coaching his team for several years now, since she was thirteen. (Her little sister also plays on the team.) She is confident, assertive, caring, great with the kids on the team who play very hard, practice very hard, learn a lot, and have a ton of fun. Clearly, her parents avoided doing any of the child development behaviors below! (We also try to accomplish the same goals during our girls camps!)
Below are some highlights from a Forbes.com article regarding 7 Ways You’re Hurting Your Daughter’s Future. We’ve rephrased the points to be positively framed.
- Children start to understand gender roles starting at 30 months, and start developing social prejudices–including gender-based prejudices – starting in preschool.
- Anea Bogue, M.A., an acclaimed self-esteem expert, educator, certified life coach and creator of REALgirl® empowerment workshops, shares some of the ways you might be holding your daughter back from her full potential without even knowing it.
Teach her to be assertive.
There’s a fine line between being well-behaved and being a doormat, and it seems that all too often girls are pushed into territory bordering on the latter. While we all want well-behaved children, don’t forget to teach your daughter that it’s okay to debate, disagree and negotiate–respectfully, of course–and especially with her peers. Encourage her to speak up in class, from preschool to college, and state her opinion, and then be ready and willing to defend it.
Avoid buying her gender-specific toys.
A 2009 study found that 31% of “girl” toys are all about appearance, involving plastic makeup and dresses. Meanwhile, toys targeted to boys encourage invention, exploration, competition, mobility, problem solving–all skills associated with highly desirable employees and leaders.
Recognize her for non-appearance-based achievement.
By making a concerted effort to reward, acknowledge and show a genuine appreciation for her non-appearance based achievements (academic, sport, musical, etc.), we will start to send clear messages that her value does not begin and end with the way she looks. Challenge yourself to match every compliment you give about your daughter’s appearance with at least two compliments about something non-appearance based.
Divide household tasks avoiding gender-based stereotypes.
“It’s important for parents to consciously challenge typical gender-specific tasks,” says Bogue. “Especially those that communicate that women are weaker than men, and that they are ‘caretakers’ rather than ‘doers,’ ‘fixers’ or ‘providers.’” Demonstrate for your daughter that you handle important financial tasks and that you can cut the lawn and open pickle jars (run it under hot water and tap the lid on the counter–works every time). Also avoid handing out chores according to gender. Assign mowing the lawn and taking out the trash to your daughter, while asking your son or husband to do the dishes and vacuum the living room.
Encourage her to establish co-ed friendships.
If your daughter is surrounded by tons of girlfriends at school, with nary a boy in sight, try encouraging friendships with boys outside of school, with neighbors or kids of your own friends. For young children, especially, it’s important to arrange play dates with boys as well as girls, invite boys to your child’s birthday parties and other outings and unleash her on the neighborhood basketball court or a co-ed sports team. She’ll learn that she can do everything boys can do … and more.
Celebrate and appreciate your own body, and/or other women’s bodies.
By talking in front of your daughter about your diet, how you need to lose a few pounds or criticizing other women’s clothing choices because of their body shape, you communicate that a woman’s body needs to look a certain way in order for her to be considered likable and successful.